a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
