I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
