What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
