She said her name was "party"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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