So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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