Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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