He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize