the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
