she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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