When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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