There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
