i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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