Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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