So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
