i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
