I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Pooping to opera.
Randomize