Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
