So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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