No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm too high and old for this...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
