See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
