HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
