the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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