Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
