I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
