You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
