i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
