Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Randomize
