In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
