there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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