I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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