Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
