We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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