I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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