Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
