New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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