Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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