his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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