Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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