Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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