I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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