you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
