Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
