I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
