take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
