Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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