Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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