i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
