I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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