Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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