Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
