Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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