I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
