I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
