I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
