I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
