Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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