It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
