dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
