How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
