Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
