I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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