I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think your dad took our porno
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
