Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
