She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
