um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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