I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
