everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
this will be a night to untag.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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