he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
