one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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