She announced her abortion via fbk
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
