The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize