In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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