It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just forgot I was standing up.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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