If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
