I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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