I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
