So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
