Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
