I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
