margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
