Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
