He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
