Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
