Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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