What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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