do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
