upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
