she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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