bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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